Sunday, September 14, 2008

How's Married Life?

This post is very similar to one posted by my good friend Hot Sauce over at red-delicious.org.
She wants to know the meaning of the word "good" when used to describe how you are. (Never mind the fact that the correct answer is "well.")
My conundrum is how to answer the question, "How's married life?"
To sum up my last 50 days with one word (either "good/well") seems incomplete. What do these people expect me to say? I mean, it's been 50 days. We're still in the honeymoon phase. What could possibly go wrong in the first 50 days? And if it did, would I really want to tell this questioner I'm already considering divorce? "It's horrible! I wish I'd never done it. He snores, leaves his dirty underwear all over the place and never helps with the dishes!" That would be embarrassing for both of us.
As would the truth. Do they expect me to give details of my day, or more specifically my nights? I'm not even willing to type details on this blog that only my close personal friends read (along w/ anyone else on the Internet who might accidentally find me by typing in "hot sex" in Google); I'm certainly not describing it to someone who asks me, "How's married life?"
I'm guessing they don't really want an answer at all; just like the folks who ask, "How are ya?" expecting you to say "good," and freaking out if you start crying becasue your dad just ran over your dog Joey, twice. (True story).
All they really want to hear is "Good." But I won't play their little game. Oh no. I'm preempting their question and asking them, "How's married life?" Of course my question is less fair, becasue they've been married for 20-45 years. How can they possibly sum that lifetime up into one word? But they do! Can you believe it? They've been "good" for 45 years! (Not that I really want to know either; I'm just hoping to point out the absurdity of their question. If they don't know how to answer it, maybe they'll stop answering.) Which is way better than being "so-so, or uh..fine." It makes me sad to know that on average they rate their marriage so low.
What's worse is the folks who won't answer. They put me off with a comment about being married so long it doesn't matter, or just wave their hand or roll their eyes. These are the people I almost want to talk to more so I can maybe remind them of how in love they once were, how optimisitc, how they held on to his every word. Maybe they're the ones we should be asking; the ones we should be checking on. My 50 day old marriage is going great, and I hope it will still be in 100 days and (Lord willing) 50 years.
You might think I'm naieve to think it will be, but I know the secret: hot sex!

2 comments:

Lady Arden said...

May you forever remain naive, and in the honeymoon phase too...

Just so you're aware -you will be asked that question for YEARS now. You see, you're a newly-wed. For many people who do not see you regularly, you will still be a newly-wed 10 years later because the last time they saw you was at your wedding. And "oh wasn't it great" and "weren't you gorgeous in your wedding dress" and "how is married life anyway?" LOL.

I moved in with my cousin and his wife for a couple of summers, and my mom was worried it wasn't going to be okay since they were newlyweds. Um, mom, they've been married for 6 years now....

'Nuff said. And yes, it is sad when people do not answer that question 'How's married life" happily, but you never know why. It may not be any relationship problems so much as problems paying a mortgage, the inability to produce children, in-laws interference, etc. So while yes something may need some re-energizing, it may not be what you think. Their love may just be weathering a storm at present.

Sadly the 'honeymoon' period of being married does not last forever, but hopefully the love will and it will grow even stronger and deeper with time.

Enjoy being newly-weds, savour every intoxicating second. And don't tell me how it is! :P Congrats y'all.

Anonymous said...

Wow. I'm glad I could be an inspiration for this post! (at least, I think I am)

But really, I think when some people (youngsters, really) ask "how's married life?" they mean, "So, how's married life? *wink wink*" Not that I do, because that's kind of disturbing.