Aargh! Blimey, is it Pirate Day already?

Shiverr me timbers, it is! Another holiday worth celebrating. So strap on yer eyepatch, ye bilge rat and strike up a pirate-y converrrrrsation. Need help with the lingo? Pilage here:

Ye can even swag a pirate name.

And don't forget the ever popular pirate jokes. People may call you a poxy pirate for telling them, but they're just jealous they didn't think of it first! Gut 'em from gizzard to gullet fer their insolence!

And always remember to pilage before ye burn!

Guest Blogger: Calico Charity Kidd

Lunchtime

Nothing like leftovers for lunch. Especially if it's leftover taco salad in Memphis for the traditional 4th of July friend-fest/weekend of debauchery. Yum! Oh, and if you just work up 42 minutes ago.

Sisters

My great-aunt passed away last week.
My grandmother's sister.
My little brother married his beloved last week.
My new sister.

Home Ownership

Just spent an hour in the new house. I doesn't feel like ours yet, but it will.

More Real Estate Ramblings

Well, it's been 29 days. I'm sorry I didn't give more details throughout the month. Sharing my knowledge of homebuying might have helped someone else. Not becasue I know so much, but because I understand so little, and can break it down for anyone as equally ignorant as myself.

Long story short; we bought a house! We will sign papers and get keys at 3 pm! I'd post a picture, but I don't have one (my sister "stole" my camera!).

Fave things: gorgeous YELLOW kitchen (no painting required with lotsa cabinets and a center island (for parties!), covered patio and back deck (needs to be cleaned and resealed, but that's a small price to pay for all the parties we'll have out there!)

There's normal stuff we like too: fireplace, 3 bedrooms, walk-in closets, 2-car garage, large master bedroom, the price$$!, owing a home, not living above Ed who likes to keep his bulldog on his balcony and only hose it off once a month, having room to put things where they belong, I could go on. I'll know more when we're actually in posession.

We're extremely excited and scared. It's too late to back out, but Cyrus comapred it to getting married. Our lives are totally changing, and we're happy about it, but it's a huge change and one can't help but have some reservations.

Real Estate Ramblings

Did you know that the word Mortgage comes from the Latin morte which means death? Basically a mortgage is a death pledge. It's not surprising, given when most mortgages are usually paid off. We are not getting into the same promise (I hope).



One important bit of advice has been to decide how much we can afford before we apply for the mortgage, instead of relying on the lender to tell us. From what I understand, they're not giving away money willy-nilly as in recent years, but they still might offer more than we really want to borrow. They might be surprised that I understand a little thing called interest (and it works for me, not agaisnt me).



Just compare a 15-year mortgage to a 30-year. If we were to buy a $100k home @ a super small 6% rate our monthly payment for 30 years would be $615, but $844/month with a 15-year mortgage. Go for the 30-year, right? It's cheaper. Oh no! If you multiply each one out, the total payment on the 30-year loan totals (wait for it...wait for it...) $221,655! That's over twice the loan (and quite possibly twice the value of the home at this point). Multiply out the 15-year and you get (wait for it...wait for it...) only $151,894. What a bargain! And a $70,000 difference! In some places, you could buy another house for that! Incredible. Why the difference? Interest, people! The 30-year loan comes with $121,656 worth of interest (the interest alone is more than the death pledge!), while the 15-er has only $51,894.



Ok, ok, so this math I understand. I don't understand the vicious cycle we're in. We can't get a rate locked in until we're under contract with the seller, but we can't get under contract until we're pre-approved for a loan, but we don't know which lender we want until we lock in a rate! It's driving me crazy! Like I'm on this roller coaster, but I can't get off (or on!).

Grrr

I have three words: disgusting, pathetic, scary.

"Proud non-reader" Kanye West turns author

The Case for Working With Your Hands

One shop teacher suggested to me that “in schools, we create artificial learning environments for our children that they know to be contrived and undeserving of their full attention and engagement. Without the opportunity to learn through the hands, the world remains abstract and distant, and the passions for learning will not be engaged.”

True, but how do we fix it?

Read whole article here.

DYK: Did You Know?

Did you know that AllRecipies.com has a search engine that allows searches by ingredient! Awesome! I want this for my fave recipes. I'm hoping my super-smart, super-hot, super-satisfied-by-a-home-cooked-meal-computer-programmer husband might make something similair for me.

Holidays March On

Tuesday was square root day: 3rd day of 3rd month of year '09 - 3x3=9. (It won't happen again until 4-4-'16.)

Yesterday was Grammar Day*!

What's today? Molecule Day?

And is tomorrow Pangea Day?

*The Grammartini
How to Mix a Perfect Grammartini
Pour two-and-a-half ounces of gin, a half-ounce of dry vermouth and several ice cubes into a martini shaker.
Shake. (The shaker—not your body or your dog’s paw.)
Strain into a chilled martini glass and garnish with an olive. If you must, use a lemon twist instead. The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar likes olives, however. When life hands us lemons, we make lemonade.

Hard to Imagine T.J. Wrote These 200+ Years Ago.....

Via Carey via email

John Kennedy once said to a assembled group of scholars in the White House: "I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered at the White House - with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone."


The quotes below could prove his point.


When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.

It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes. A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world.

I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.

My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government.

No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.

In light of the present financial crisis, it's interesting to read what Thomas Jefferson said in 1802:'
I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.

Book-A-Minute or Ultra-Condensed Classics

English teachers have the inconsiderate habit of assigning mammoth-sized works of literature to read and then actually expecting you to do it (I should know, I am one, and I do). This wouldn't be so bad except that invariably the requisite reading is as boring as fly fishing in an empty lake. Half of those books don't even have discernible plots. And let's face it -- the Cliff's Notes are pretty time-consuming too. Worry no more. Your troubles are over. We here at Book-A-Minute Classics have come up with a solution. We've taken all kinds of great works of literature and boiled them down to their essence, extracting all the filler (and believe me, there's a lot of it sometimes). In just one minute, you can read entire books and learn everything your teachers will expect you to know.
"That's nice," you say, "but I don't believe you." Yah hah, skeptical soul! We've got our collection of ultra-condensed books right here! We've got everything from Shakespeare to Steinbeck! See for yourself!

Pride and Prejudice
By Jane Austen
Ultra-Condensed by Anu Lahtinen

Mr. Darcy: Nothing is good enough for me.
Ms. Elizabeth Bennet: I could never marry that proud man.

(They change their minds.)

THE END

Romeo and Juliet
By William Shakespeare
Ultra-Condensed by Taran Horter

Romeo: Oh, Juliet!
Juliet: Oh, Romeo!
Romeo: Oh, Juliet!
Juliet: Oh, Romeo!
Romeo: Oh, Juliet! (dies)
Juliet: Oh, Romeo!......Romeo?......Dammit.

THE END

Romance: Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love

2 Vine Ripened Tomatoes: $0.97/lb
2 Bulbs Garlic: $1.67/lb
Organic Mozzarella: $4.99
Tillamook Smoky Chedder: $5.99
Whole Wheat Pita: $2.45
1 bottle Cynthiana: ~$12.99
Spending our first Valentine's day at home cooking dinner together and eating a picnic in the living room floor on the red ottoman: Priceless

Stolen Funny, but I Gave Her Credit

Last night, before bed but after the Ambien kicked in, I thought about what Presidents Day might be like for Barack Obama. Is it like a birthday? Will he get presents? And I wonder if all his friends are blowing up his BlackBerry today being all, "Happy YOUR Day!" (If I had his number I'd totally call.)
I hope someone had the forethought to bake him something; this seems like the kind of day that would merit a lovely cake.
If I were him, I'd probably spend the day somewhere crowded like Times Square or the Las Vegas strip, and I'd drape myself in an American flag and a stovepipe hat and I'd swill a footlong margarita, demanding all passersby, "Kiss me! It's MY day!"
Then again, that's probably why I'm not President.

~Jen Lancaster author Pretty in Plaid, Bitter is the New Black, Such a Pretty Fat, etc...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Check out these Valentine's Cakes!

What Other Names Do I Need?

1.YOUR REAL NAME
Txxxxxx Dxxxxx (nice try! - I ain't tellin')

2. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother and fathers middle names)
Irene Raymond

3. STAR WARS NAME:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)Dowti

4. DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal)
Plaid Penguin

5. SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born)
Renee Bartlesville

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The Red Mojito

7. FLY NAME:(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Tiey

8. STREET NAME:(fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie)
Snickerdoodle Chocolate Chip

9. ROCK STAR NAME:(current pets name, current street name)
Othello Yale

10. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on)
Cinderella Elm

11. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle)
Timizzle

12.YOUR IRAQI NAME:(2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, first two letters of your middle name, last two letters of your first name then last three letters of your last name)
Iwreynney

13. YOUR GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Joey

14. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy)
Boss Chocolate

15. NASCAR NAME:(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)
James Edward

The Smile ~Donna Jo Napoli

I gave it 4 stars, so you already know I really liked it. It's an interesting spin on history. I like that Ms. Napoli can take a historical character (in this case a work of art) and weave a whole life around her. I especially enjoyed the historical parts. She breathes life into names and dates. Even though I know it's all from her imagination, it still feels like I now have the inside scoop on Mona Lisa's smile.

Creative Cooking

It seems Cinderella isn't the only genius chef in the family. Just Friday night, I created a brilliant dinner all on my own. No recipe! I'm not bragging; I'm shocked! Here's the "recipe" for ginger honey-glazed salmon.

2 pieces salmon, skin removed, seasoned with pepper
cook in 2 Tbsp of olive oil over medium heat

in a separate bowl mix 1/2 tsp olive oil, 1 Tbst honey, 2 tsp. ginger
heat about 10 seconds in microwave
drizzle over cooked salmon

Enjoy!

Green Acres

It seems the producers of Green Acres had it right!

"City dwellers are more likely to dream of living somewhere else, and men in rural areas are far happier living there than women."

(him)
Green Acres is the place to be. Farm livin' is the life for me.
Land spreadin' out so far and wide;
Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside.

(her)
New York is where I'd rather stay. I get allergic smelling hay.
I just adore a penthouse view.
Dah-ling I love you, but give me Park Avenue.

The chores. The stores.
Fresh air! Time Square!
You are my wife. Good bye, city life.

Green Acres we are there!

"Let's Get Po-li-ti-cal, Po-lit-i-cal!"*

I was surprised to hear it, but Rush Limbaugh had an op-ed piece in the Wall Street Journal.

Click here to read the Obama-Limbaugh Bipartisan Stimulus Plan.

In a nutshell, Rush wants to apply about half the intended $900 billion (54% = $486 B) to the government programs the President has already proposed (infrastructure and pork) and the other half (46% = $414 B) towards tax cuts (as determined by Mr. Limbaugh).**

It's sort of an experiment. If this is done, then we can see which actually stimualtes the economy. If both work, then more the better.***

Click here to find links to email your congressmen/women.
________________________________________________________

*sung to the tune of "Let's Get Physical" by Olivia Newton John. Gross video. I'm warning you!

**These percents are based on the general election results. 53% of American's voted for President Obama; 46% voted for McCain (1% voted for "other").

*** Michael Scott would say it's a "Win-win-win."

Ah, the Liveliness of Language

Snarky
A witty mannerism, personality, or behavior that is a combination of sarcasm and cynicism. Usually accepted as a complimentary term. Snark is sometimes mistaken for a snotty or arrogant attitude. Any language that contains quips or comments containing sarcastic or satirical witticisms intended as blunt irony. Usually delivered in a manner that is somewhat abrupt and out of context and intended to stun and amuse. Origin: Snark="snide remark".

Her snarky remarks had half the room on the floor laughing and the other half ready to walk out.

Snarky examples

Twilight: the Series

Ok, so this isn't very well thought out or anything, but hey, it's a post! spoiler alert if you haven't read Twilight.*

I feel some sort of literary obligation to give my opinion of the Twilight series. I started blogging about the first novel that fateful day in October, and then: nothing. I know you haven't been holding your breath all these months, but still. I feel some sort of responsibility. I finished the series after several months and vowing to quit and never start. I'm sorry if you thought the books fab, but Bella's voice just got annoying in my head. Book 1 was interesting and new. I'd read nothing like it, but books 2/3 were just repeats of the same thing. I could have done without them. Granted, Stephanie needed them for "character development" (I use the term loosely) and to sell a couple of more books (plus movie royalties), but I could have done w/out them. In fact, in book 3, when B kisses J and decides she loves him / confuses him before an important battle, I almost threw the book across the room. Good thing I didn't, because I'm sure I would have broken the computer monitor (they're thick books!). I really did quit after part one of book 4. I couldn't handle this whole baby thing. A friend encouraged me to finish it. I'm glad I did. The very end was fun. I liked the resolution and defeating the Volturi (especially the way it was done + Bella's part in it). Maybe I just wish she'd become a vampire sooner.

*don't waste your time. Read Jane Austen instead. You know, Persuasion or Mansfield Park (one of the "less popular" ones.)